this is transit. this is transitory.

I'm (im)patiently waiting for the next train. I've no iPod to flood my ears. It's just me this time. I stare down the middle rail as it starts to rattle. Thank god, its coming; What an agonizing fifteen minute interval. Just forty more minutes, i'll reach my car & i'll go home to something, anything, whatever. I clutch the headset of my bike in anxiousness. Looking into the pitch black distance of the tunnel ahead, i suddenly see the familiar two big bright headlights like the piercing eyes of a snake. I hear the shrill beeping, warning of train arrival to whoever is standing a bit too close into that brightly padded, bumpy yellow divide. It's approaching at an alarming rate. As it passes to line up for passenger loading, the wind gently brushes the side of my face & carries the stench of piss homelessness, marijuana & aging copper. It wont be long now. The train has come to a complete stop. I carry my bike thru the shutter doors & help myself to the seat with the support guard rails, ironically intended for the handicap. Fuck it, there's none on this ride anyway. The shutter doors of all the cars close in sync. My eyes sweep to survey the front to back of this train car. To my affirmation, no one is smiling. I rarely see more than two or three people smiling, laughing or even talking here, not including myself or whoever may have accompanied me in past endeavors. But it's as if i just walked into a long, narrow waiting room of an ICU. But maybe my judgment is rash. It is kinda late. maybe they're just all tired or mad that they haven't reached their destinations yet. The train starts to move. I'm caught off balance as i underestimate the haste of the take-off. I get up to reposition myself. Hopefully no one saw. I quickly raise my head to line my eyes to glance over everyone. Nothing. Everyone is still blank, expressionless, apathetic, sleepy. This train's more noisy than usual. Maybe they oughtta grease the rails. The sharp sound of echoed electron movement between the bottom of the train & the rails is almost unbearable. "My goodness, this (train) is loud," I hear from a woman behind me, who takes her headphones off & drops her bottom jaw to relieve ear pressure. You lucky bitch. At least YOU'VE got an iPod. I lean myself against the guard rail in disgust & try to sleep thru the rest of this awful train ride.. I can't do it. I pull out my phone to try & txt someone. Just my luck, dead. Dead like the rest of the temporary inhabitants of this train. This is the worst bart ride ever. Five more stops. Some girl from a couple rows down stands up & sits next parallel to me. Gauges, beanie, flannel. Comadre punk QT for sure. "Nice bike!" she exclaims. I reply, "thu-Aanks."I can't believe my voice cracked that high. She doesn't either. She covers her mouth to muffle her giggles. "Where are you from?" she asks. "An unincorporated area kinda by Richmond." I always give that answer to strangers, assuming they really don't know the area i live, exactly. I ask, "How about you?" She replies "berekeley." Three more stops. As the conversation sprawls in different directions, i start to jump to the conclusion that this is the best bart ride ever. & i wouldn't mind it if there were even seven more stops ahead. "Now approaching the Ashby station," says the conductor over the intercom. The girl gets up & says "Well, this is my stop." She kisses me on the forehead & says "See ya around, hopefully." I'm in awe of this moment. I want to say something, but i can't for some reason. Twenty seconds go by & i havent moved my mouth from this smiling phase. I come down from the aesthetic high & then realize that i didn't get her number, or myspace, or facebook & that all i have to rely on seeing her again is chance. This is the worst bart ride ever.

please mr. postman

i received a call at 8:30 am today. half asleep, i was reluctant to answer. its dr. ledbetter 'bedwetter' *snickers*. "Hey Brent, I was just returning your call from yesterday; you wanted to know about the CSE (Center for Science Excellence) field trip?" I responded, "yes," still groggy from slumber. a few moments ramble on for what couldve just been two minutes, but seemed like a lifetime. to hush his informative mouth & return myself to sweet sleep, i simply interrupted, "is it alright if i just met up with you later today, possibly?" he replied, "Yeah, sure. You can meet me in my office from 1:30-2:00." i follow up with an ok & hang up before either of us have a chance to say thank you or bye. Right afterward, i realize "shit.. i forgot they scrapped my article for the CSE yesterday."

violence in video games edit**

I forgot to address certain generalizations; i did fail to mention that a majority of teen violence is predominantly expressed by MALE adolescents. i also failed to mention the beneficial side to violence in videogames (though i wont do that now), along with more definitive comparisons between other forms of entertainment. there is also a bit of ambiguity of the violent scenarios in specific games that i probably should have gone more in depth to, among probably a lot of research that i'd probably get overwhelmed with.

violence in videogames

The effect of videogame violence among children and teens is undoubtedly one of the most debatable topics of all time. It is evident that there is no complete control over the media’s depictions of things such as sex or violence in all forms of entertainment, but as a society, we do make the decisions on the shows and movies we choose to watch and the videogames we choose to play or mediate for children based on how we have been raised ourselves and our subjective sense of morality as well as our naivety. Violence in videogames can have a negative effect on children, but only makes up for so much as it is a small factor in comparison to the responsibility that falls on the discipline of the home environment established by no other than the parental figures of the household.

Violence in videogames has existed since the building progression of aspect appeal brought on by our popular culture’s conceptual interest of what is entertaining. Violence is entertaining.

Videogames have come a long way since Pong and Pacman and the goal of most (if not all) videogame companies is to ultimately achieve the greatest feel of realism. There have been no studies as of yet that indicates videogame developers and publishers have deliberately made and released a single game, to date, that purposely advocates or condones violent behavior depicted. Ratings are blatantly put on the labels of all games and are clearly marked for the targeted suggested age appropriateness by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB). There are also disclaimers shown before the game, reminding the player or viewer of its graphic nature.

Parents are to be in charge of the content of their children’s forms of entertainment. Though parental advisory is limited, parents and parental figures alike must take it upon themselves to keep a tight enough filter on the plethora of media entertainment exposure as much as humanly possible, especially during the years of childhood behavioral development where the child is at their most vulnerable and impressionable. One very obvious way children get a hold of violent videogames is due to the lack of parental consciousness. Some parents overrule the fact that the game is meant for ages 17 and up and assume that their child would never act out what’s depicted in the game. Aside from overruling, overlooking is also a commonly made “oops,” where parents simply do not read the rating labels, let alone the storyline or cover art, even.

Acts of violence expressed by teens are automatically linked to their hobbies/extra curricular activities and it just so happens that videogames, violent ones in particular, are included. By default the catalyst to their dirty deeds are directly correlated to those god-awful videogames! Their violent actions are immediately classified as a result of overexposure, resulting in desensitization and acts of aggression carried by it or just reenactment of their games toward dealing with their real life dilemmas. In an article from MSNBC written by Winda Benadetti, a hastily made claim made by former attorney and avid obscenity/profanity stickler, Jack Thompson, stated that Virginia Tech shooter, Seung Hui Cho loved violent videogames and that same lust did play a role in the massacre. Investigations later proved the claim faulty. Cho had a history of mental illness that was poorly dealt with and had a passion for books rather than videogames.

The role of violence depicted in videogames is small, but still crucial to the cause of outwardly expressed aggression between teens and children. There is a very big and significant difference between what is shown from a show or film or even a graphic novel and a videogame; videogames are interactive. Playing a videogame can surely provoke anger and aggression just by the storyline. One great example is the Grand Theft Auto series, whose notoriety has and always will push the envelope among other games. All the games give the player the option of simulated, but limited freewill and creativity of lifelike aspects. As mentioned earlier in this article, children are impressionable and are very likely to take things just like cursing out of context. Misconceptions can be drawn and the wrong message can be conceived. A clear distinction of right and wrong has to be stressed toward raising kids. Children must be made aware that what is shown and played in these games are wrong and at all costs should be taught to veer away from such horrendous depictions of fighting, murder, blood, gore, sexual innuendos, language and any other explicatory idiosyncrasy beyond their maturity and comprehension level.

From personal experience, I can say that videogame violence is not a subject to take lightly. I have played tons of violent videogames and there wasn’t any negative effect on me, but I cannot speak for everyone. My parents had made it a point to teach me proper ethical behavior, so their concerns of violence in entertainment affecting me were replaced with confidence that I had a basic sense of right from wrong. Speculators are so quick to judge game producers, rather than placing the blame on a teen or child’s lack of judgment or psychiatric wellbeing, which is where the role of the parent plays. The blame goes in every which way and there will never be a compromise. As long as teen violence runs rampant and violent videogames are constantly in production, the constant surveying and debating won’t stop unless we look at ourselves and take responsibility for our youth.

bone up

being humble was never my thing, so maybe its a good time to start. i was probably better off being more quiet & conservative. no more outbursts. less cursing. voice level down. speak when spoken to. i'll avoid coming off more stupid than i actually am. not very many people (if any) take me seriously anyway; i'm a fucking joke & its not like i need to keep leaving myself open to be a bigger one. my expense is worth nothing.

still

I still cook four cups of rice; addressed one for each member of the family. I still half-expect you to come home from work late each night when i'm here. I still expect your phone call when i haven't been home all day. I'm still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream & see you early in the morning, drinking coffee & reading the newspaper. I havent forgotten. I never will. The sad part is as time passes, i start to believe less & less that this isn't a dream.

godferiority simplex

I'm trying to get in the habit of reading again. I recently picked up Invisible Monsters from a friend. I started the book during my senior yr & the story intruiged me, i just never got the chance to finish it.

I guess its kind of ironic how i like writing though i've never really been a fan of reading. & maybe thats the reason why i tend not to finish a lot of what i write; i mean i cant even finish most things i read. My attention spans seems to whither away fast.